gilgamesh (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
throwmoreswords) wrote2019-02-20 10:22 pm
throwmoreswords) wrote2019-02-20 10:22 pm
[ic inbox] - Kaisou
State your case and don't bore me--or there may be consequences.
username: AUO | ✉ ☏ 📷 |
State your case and don't bore me--or there may be consequences.
no subject
[ and continuing to pay him a compliment, because, exasperated, he lets out a quiet, almost agitated sigh when of all responses, the other almost seems too amused that he's asking Gilgamesh for advice. ]
You say you 'have no heart', but unlike myself, you have the uncanny ability to gather people around you. I have seen it in the past. And I am certain I will see it again in the present. The only other person I could speak with on this would be Zhongli-- who took several centuries to accept he had feelings for someone, if snooping around on the public message boards on 'Libra' has taught me anything. I assumed you would be a better choice.
[ but... his food preparations get a little more... careful, purposeful. Like he's trying to think and he cannot multitask making simple salads at the same time. ]
...They are a surprise. Yes. I would consider myself an unfriendly and uncooperative as a person. Someone who is difficult to befriend, much less develop any sort of genuine feeling toward.
I have a tendency to speak to literally, too bluntly, and without fully considering the feelings of others.
These are aspects of myself that I am aware of, and am actively working to ... be more aware of, however, it is a work in progress.
As for being unwelcome.
...
No.
I suppose they are not. ...Rather, it is such like I have considered myself to be unlikeable for so long--that it is a marvel to me that someone may have developed feelings for me past that.
Which is why I find myself at such a strange place.
Uncharted territory, so to speak.
[ All he's ever wanted is... ]
no subject
[ no, he's never letting that go. ever. it almost hurt him in the place where his emotions would go if he had any.
Vergil continues to stumble through compliments like an elephant stumbles through a farmer's fences after partaking on one too many fermented fruits, stifling a smirk as his friend laments and rationalizes how Gilgamesh is his only choice in this matter of his newly found heart. he almost teases Vergil for his dire situation, his luck, his desperation...
and at least the man is also letting himself have it, not leaving Gilgamesh alone in the self-burn department as he lays his flaws bare, picking through his food preparations with the same steady, careful hands that gently work to restore his little trinkets and antiquities, silence ebbing and flowing as he sifts through the expanse of his mind to find words that accurately describe what it is that he desires. ]
Lots of money isn't really an uncanny ability. [ he teases again, because while Vergil needs quiet to find his sentences, Gilgamesh has always found his thoughts best while making noise and acting--like he's a vessel for energy and vibrancy; an extrovert using .0001% of his power. ] First of all... there is no shame in being honest--and I will be clear, there is a difference in being an awkward person while still being true and being 'truthful' in a way that's meant to keep everything around you cut to a size you aren't intimidated by.
You speak blunt, sometimes unpleasant truth because that's who you are as a person. Truthful. You see no point in hiding your motivations, your desires. Some people have to talk circles about who they are and what they want, and you never bothered to develop that cushion of ego because the end goal's always been more important to you. [ he considers for a moment as he fusses at Vergil's bouquet, picking off shriveled leaves to beautify the whole of the presentation just a little more. ] ... but there's nothing wrong with kindness for the pleasure of being kind.
And as for this--odd, secretly guilty pleasure you seem to have at the thought that someone enjoys your presence--it's not really a question of your perception of your worth, now is it? Do not dismiss or diminish yourself so cruelly. It'd be the same as telling your suitor that they were foolish and lacking good taste to their face. At that point, you'd be better suited to throwing the bouquet back to them and burning the card. I've teased you time and time again for buying trinkets that I thought were ugly or ill-made, and yet you always tell me to mind my tongue, since it's about your desires and not mine, hmn?
[ he turns, then, to look at his friend, drawing to the full extent of his height, arms folded over his chest as if he's a king sending commandments down to a vassal. ]
What is the point in life if you don't chase the unknown? Why live if you won't chase pleasure--for what is pleasure, if not joy in its purest form? You don't need a chart of the territory. You just need the will to explore it. If you reciprocate their feelings, speak it to the air, to their ear, and chase the stars on the distant horizon with reckless, terrible joy in your heart. It is better to strive for your dreams and topple off of the path than to stay static, unchanging and safe, wasting the ticking minutes of your mortality on logic and security.
Embrace pleasure, Vergil Vittore. Strive for joy. Live a little, why don't you?
no subject
You truly need to stop bringing up that failure. [ his foot has never left his mouth from that moment, and he feels even when he's in his casket in death, gil would be telling the story of how he once told him how to dress instead of complimenting him. God. God.
He will listen, though. To the rest of Gilgamesh's analysis of the situation, reading his own feelings while dressing him down for his reflection on this situation. ...It would be an insult to question Zulius' feelings, wouldn't it? He hadn't honestly considered that, and there's a small crack in his usually so solid mask--a look that almost looks remorseful for his quick words without enough thought behind them. Picking apart his own flaws had been easy--but actually changing them wasn't enough to just know they were there, weren't they?
He'd been considering approaching Zulius and telling him his feelings would be better put elsewhere due to the fact that Vergil himself would be a terrible choice in romantic partners, but...
With this sort of second view from Gilgamesh, he's now realising how terrible a response that would be. How selfish it'd be? ...Quietly, he's glad he came to ask the others' advice. He'd dodged another bullet, here. He'll close his eyes, putting the knife down now that the tomatoes are now properly diced, lain over with thick rounds of mozzerella.
He lifts the plate, drizzled with oil and pepper, and offers it to his friend. ]
I am not sure I fully know how to 'Live a Little;' so to speak.
It was one life lesson I am more than certain I skipped out on during my long stay within the walls of Academia.
I suppose, perhaps, there is little harm in 'leaping before looking'.
...
You know that is not ordinarily my style. [ it's yours, you new-experience loving bitch. ] But I can understand the merit behind it.
I was right, by the by.
Your advice has certainly been the best I could have sought. My perspective has changed.
no subject
[ Gilgamesh and his pride are going to die alone together, hand in unlovable hand. he's made peace with that.
he watches Vergil as he puts together his vegetable lumps, taking the plate graciously and moving to sit at the table with the meal, legs crossing as he can see the wheels turning behind those ice blue eyes as Vergil thinks and thinks again, turning the puzzle of the human experience over and over in his hands like he'll find some hidden mechanism or crack in the smooth facade if he just looks long and hard enough. ]
Well. Step one is to do things. New things, things that you've always discounted yourself from. 'Leap before you look' is a perfectly cromulent strategy in matters like this--I wouldn't say jump off a cliff or invest half of your money in the stock market on a feeling alone [ because those are Gilgamesh activities, not Vergil ones ] but something like...
[ he side-eyes Vergil for a moment. ]
Something like asking someone on a date. Or for accompaniment to a shared, interesting experience--the worst they can do is say no. Your heart may hurt for a time, but it will heal, and life will continue on. One mediocre experience shouldn't be enough for you to want to spend the rest of your life alone.
[ you need at least 18 years of being on the outside looking in on everyone else before you can join Gilgamesh in the die alone club, scrublord, and you have a kid somehow. ]
Why be ordinary, when you can be extraordinary? Why be alive if you're not going to live? Chase joy, Vergil Vittore. [ he's gonna pop a tomato slice into his mouth and talk with his mouth full because something needs to ruin the moment before his head explodes of well intentioned, heartfelt emotions. ]
See how a handsome, four-legged supernova can enrich you for the low cost of a little honesty and vulnerability. If he's still willing to flirt with you after you jumped out a window on him, you may as well start talking marriage, children, and who's keeping your vacation home in the Bahamas in the divorce.
[ too much heartfelt sincerity makes Gilgamesh feel barfy, so. ]
no subject
He sighs, shaking off the feeling of returned embarrassment as he moves to join his friend at the table.
Using a fork and knife on his salad instead of picking it up with his fingers like a hELLION--his attention going from cutting the vegetables into food, to cutting it up to be eaten in sizeable pieces. ]
Being extraordinary is not my forte. I keep to myself, I chase no spotlight. It is Zulius who is good at that sort of thing, not me. [ which is probably why he's so... unsure about this. The Zebra man was such a shining force of positive energy. Why would he want to choose a partner who has difficulty matching his energy? Wouldn't that be disappointing?
...Or perhaps it's a balance they both. Could use. He's tinkering away with the thoughts in his head now as he examines a piece of mozzerella, like it's the most interesting thing in the world; beads of olive oil sticking to the slightly rough surface where it was sliced. ]
...I suppose I could do a date.
Truth be told.
I have already accompanied him on two. [ but they were like. FRIEND dates, not. Romantic dates. So like. god, he doesn't know. Maybe they weren't. He's second guessing himself eight different ways now. ]
I could. Invite him out for dinner. And we can discuss where to move forward from there.
That would be... harmless, yes?
[ maybe a bit boring, but. Vergil's never done this before. ]